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GOLDEN GLOBES '09: PLAY-BY-PLAY

**IF YOU WANT TO GET THE GIST OF THIS LIST, START FROM THE BOTTOM UP.  AND FOR A COMPLETE LIST OF WINNERS CLICK HERE**

BEST MOTION PICTURE-DRAMA

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  Uh-oh, there goes Freida Pinto rubbing up on the director of 'Slumdog Millionaire.'  LOL!  Didn't I tell you they looked a little fishy, before?  Anyhow, 'Slumdog' barked its way to the top in this category beating out 'Benjamin Button' and even 'Revolutionary Road.'

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE-DRAMA

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   Oh, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind, hey, Mickey!!!  LOL!  Mr. Rourke ('The Wrestler') beat out all the cuties in this category including Brad Pitt ('The Curious Case of Benjamin Button') and Leonarod DiCaprio ('Revolutionary Road').  Thank goodness, Mickey pursued acting because in the wardrobre department...HE BOMBED!!!  Oh, and he also tripped while trying to get his award-HAHAHA! 

BEST TELEVISION SERIES-DRAMA

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  'Mad Men' won this category, beating out 'Dexter,' 'House' and 'True Blood.'   But let me tell you something!  I can't even give my opinion on any of these shows because most of them are ON PREMIUM CABLE!  Guurl, I can't afford to watch these shows.  Seems like all everyone in the Foreign Press Association (the ones responsible for the Globes) are rich and can watch this!! 

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE-DRAMA

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  KATE WINS A SECOND GLOBE FOR 'REVOLUTIONARY ROAD'!  Daaaayyyuuuuummm, guuurl!  You kicked the 'cojones' out of a bunch of heavy-hitters in this category: Meryl Streep ('Doubt), Angelina Jolie ('Changeling') and Anne Hathaway ('Rachel Getting Married').  Kate Winslet, you're such a brave woman, for raising your arms like that!  I'm sure you double-checked to see if you had armpit hair! 

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE-MUSICAL OR COMEDY

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  ANOTHER LATINO LOSES A CATEGORY!  Javier Bardem ('Vicky Cristina Barcelona') must be like, "Ugh!", rolling his eyes and all, after losing to Colin Farrell ('In Bruges')!  POR FIN, a papi chulo won an award in this show.  I guess all that naked dancing helped Colin; maybe he did a lil' lap dance for the judges?  LOL!  CLICK HERE to find out what I'm talking about. 

BEST DIRECTOR-MOTION PICTURE

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  Danny Boyle (left) snatched the award in this category, for his movie, 'Slumdog Millionaire.'  The film's star, Freida Pinto, poses next to him in this shot.  Is it just me or does it seem like she could be reaching down there to scramble his eggs...and he's LIKING it?!  LOL! 

CECIL B. DeMILLE AWARD

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  HAHAHA!  Steven Spielberg looks so funny in this picture.  Yes, he received the Cecil B. DeMille Award...you know, for outstanding achievements and all that good stuff!  Hats off to him, though, this man DESERVES it!  Everything he touches turns into gold.  Can he please touch my wallet, then?

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES-MUSICAL OR COMEDY

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  Say 'bye, bye' to the trophy, America Ferrera!  Tina Fey trumped you in this category.  Best quote of the night (and I'm paraphrasing here): when Tina Fey and Tracy Morgan went to accept the award and he said, "Tina and I agreed that if Obama wins, I'll be the voice of the show."

BEST MOTION PICTURE-MUSICAL OR COMEDY

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  YEY!  FINALLY!  THE FIRST BIIIIIG Latino win of the night!  'Vicky Cristina Barcelona' trumped the competition in this category, so that probably means good news for it at the Oscars.  One question, though!  Is it me or does Penelope Cruz look a little bit more "full figured" in this picture (like-her hips looks wider)?  COULD SHE BE PREGNANT?  DID JAVIER BARDEM impregnate her?  Could that be the reason we haven't really seen him at the show; so he can AVOID the press!?  Like la Dra. Nancy Alvarez would say,  "HMPH, esto me huele a cocorica!"

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR A MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

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  DEAR LORD, how in the world did Paul Giamatti (above) win for 'John Adams.'?  Couldn't they choose SOMEONE else that had nothing to do with this miniseries?!  He doesn't even look that excited in that picture; he looks like he's gonna....well you know!  LOL!  He should've won for 'Best Hair' as well!  LOL!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

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  ANOTHER WIN FOR 'JOHN ADAMS'!  I have lost ALL hope, honey!  Laura Linney snagged the Globe here.  At least her outfit looks fabulous; that's about the ONLY good thing about this win! 

BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

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  So, Tom Hanks accepted the award for 'John Adams' in this category-HOW BORING!  This is too educational for me!  LOL!  And last, but not least, what is up with thos Orville Redenbacher, tinted glasses?!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE-MUSICAL OR COMEDY

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  ANOTHER LOSS FOR 'VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA''!  Sally Hawkins ('Happy Go Lucky'-left), may have beaten Rebecca Hall ('Vicky Cristina Barcelona'-right) for this award, but she gets an F for wardrobe.  CLICK HERE to take look at her whole outfit! 

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES-MUSICAL OR COMEDY

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  AND THE WINNER IS...ALEC BALDWIN!  Ugh, Alec is such a DILF!  I'd take him over any day versus Steve Carell ('The Office')  who was also nominated here.  I'm trying to be professional here, but I can't help it...HEE HEE!!! 

BEST SCREENPLAY-MOTION PICTURE

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  YEY FOR THE MINORITIES!  'Slumdog Millionaire' took top spot in this category, beating out 'The Reader' (ZZZzzzzzzZZZ) and 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.'

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES-DRAMA

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   Gabriel Byrne ('In Treatment'), above,  trumped Michael C. Hall ('Dexter') and Hugh Laurie ('House').  Has anyone even heard of his show?!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

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  Heath Ledger must be laughing somewhere in heaven now for his interpretation of 'The Joker' in 'The Dark Knight.'  He beat out Tom Cruise ('Tropic Thunder') and Robert Downey Jr. ('Tropic Thunder'), in this category.  WAY TO GO, HEATH!!!

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES, OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION

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  Jaslene Gonzalez's (America's Next Top Model) alleged hook-up, Jeremy Piven, is a loser...LITERALLY!  He lost out t actor Tom Wilkinson  (below) in this category. 

  Piven was nominated for 'Entourage,' while Wilkinson won for 'John Adams.' Way to go, viejo!

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BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE

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   Talk to the hand, 'cause the face ain't talking!  PENELOPE JUST LOST to Kate Winslet ('The Reader') in this category. The Globes are supposedly a good indicator as to whether an actor will win an Oscar in the same category.  Does this mean Penelope won't be taking an Academy Award home for 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona', this year! 

  START PACKING YOUR MALETAS, PENELOPE!  IT'S TIME TO GO BACK HOME!!!  O-LE!!!